guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
