Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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