Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
