last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Randomize
