Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
