just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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