Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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