just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize