I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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