eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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