So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
and you fell through a lawn chair
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
