if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize