lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
