Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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