I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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