I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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