As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
