dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
