her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
