dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
