i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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