I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
