shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
