worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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