every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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