we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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