If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
