he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
