so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
