We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm too high and old for this...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
