I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize