You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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