that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
