I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
