Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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