having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
