Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
