My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
