I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry about my life...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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