today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize