It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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