office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
