He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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