if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
