I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize