I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
