I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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