That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i've created a new STD.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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