No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
