let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize