easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
