she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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