My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
