it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
