You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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