is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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