Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
