no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
