U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I met the friendliest cop last night
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize