Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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