two words: eviction party
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
God, I missed his penis.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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