i can't believe i had my finger in that
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize