you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
