My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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