im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
