just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
