Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
