I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
