you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
