i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
