Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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