Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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